First of all, we have to take a look at its details –
What is love ?
Partly because there are so many different kinds, all with different names, for example, –
Familial —- Puppy —- Erotic —- Romantic —- Platonic —- Religious —- Courtly —- Consummate, and so on.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory and argued that it has three different components:
– intimacy, commitment, and passion.
He defines these further as follows: –
Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives. Intimacy is usually shown in friendships and romantic affairs.
Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent.
The last and most common form is sexual attraction and Passion, which is shown in infatuation as well as romance.
He views all forms as being varying combinations of these three components.
Passion is a wrench dropped into our emotions. If experienced on its own without any other types it is considered mere infatuation.
Intimacy is a sense of friendship, largely powered by self disclosure. If you have this on its own, then you have a platonic friendship.
Commitment is the belief that you wish to make a relationship keep working into the future. If you have this without the other two then you have “empty love”.
Looking at these definitions further – you could say that: –
The Fatuous form is Passion plus Commitment. You’re thinking about the other person all the time, your pulse races when you think about them, and you like to giggle together about the word “forever,” even if you don’t have a deep intimate understanding of each other (well, not yet!).
Companionate type is Intimacy plus Commitment. You’re great friends, you’re dedicated to being together, you just don’t have the erotic emotionally supercharged insanity of passion (which is good for, say, siblings).
The Romantic kind is Passion plus Intimacy. Maybe you’re not thinking past the current wonderful moment, but for now you’re buckled into an emotional roller coaster with a lovely friend. Nice!
The Consummate type is Intimacy plus Passion plus Commitment. You’ve got it all. They don’t give prizes for this, it is a prize in itself.
But because there are so many different ways of expressing each of these kinds, that complicates the picture even further.
We all have our own individual ways of communicating these special feelings that we are experiencing.
Moreover we all go through different phases in our lives, and experience different kinds in different stages of our development from infant to adult to old age.
As Shakespeare said –
“One man in his time plays many parts”
Because of all of these variables, it is impossible to generalize about many of these aspects.
However, modern research has found some interesting hormonal and brain electrical activity changes that occur with the passionate kind.
These changes are, in many cases, identical to the changes found in someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Which makes you think that the expression – “Being Madly in Love”- is perhaps not so far from the truth after all !
Especially if you look at some of the typical symptoms that someone who is feeling this tends to experience, for example –
Loss of concentration,
Inflated Self Esteem,
Abnormally elevated mood, often alternating with Depression,
Change in appetite,
Constant checking (E-Mails, the regular Mail, Voice messaging, etc),
Often inappropriately extravagant gift giving,
and abnormal attachment to often valueless items with some special connection to the beloved person.
When you look at it dispassionately like this it certainly sounds like someone in the middle of some severe psychological disorder, doesn’t it ?
Yet I am sure that the majority of you have experienced most, if not all, of these symptoms at one time or another when you have been “madly – or head over heels in love.”
However, if you consider other forms, such as Consummate, Family, Religious, or Brotherly, and so on, as you looked at above, then –
– with these you experience feelings of contentment, calm, relaxation and peace – almost the opposite to those mad kinds of feelings !
So obviously you have different feelings depending on what type or kind that you are experiencing at the time.
Different feelings, different kinds, different love experiences in different times of your life – it all seems full of so many variables that it would appear to be impossible to find any common thread or denominator.
Can you find any common denominator that is present in all kinds ?
Well, if you look at some of the famous quotations taken from history, you may begin to get an idea of a common denominator.
Here are a few quotations for you to consider, read through them carefully and see what comes to your mind –
“Love is patient, it is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” The Apostle Paul 1. Corinthians 13:4-7
There is in man’s nature, a secret inclination and motion, towards love of others, which if it be not spent upon some one or a few, doth naturally spread itself towards many, and maketh men become humane and charitable; as it is seen sometime in friars. Francis Bacon
I Love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are. Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave. Mohandas Gandhi
You know you’re in love when you can’t sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. Dr.Seuss
When you have looked through these quotations, there is one thing that shows up more than anything else –
Love makes you feel good about yourself !
I am sure that all of you will agree with that statement, but what may not have occurred to you is that the “flip side” of that statement is also very true, namely –
Unless you feel good about yourself you cannot love !
And that statement is of crucial importance…why ?
Because you CAN do something about that,-
– you can improve your feelings about yourself by using Meditation techniques.
Which is the whole focus of this section.
What I have done here is to create a separate page, yet attached to this one, that gives you a free powerful Meditation Technique to improve your feelings about yourself;
… to improve your self esteem and acceptance of yourself;
… which will have the proven effect of making you better able to give and receive love.
Which is essentially what you/we all desperately need and want !
So – don’t hesitate ! It’s time to experience an exceptional technique that will improve your life in the best way, – click on this Special “Feel Good About Yourself” Love Meditation link, to take you to this excellent free gift for you !